If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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