I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
