you turned your livingroom into a bong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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