If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
