Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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