Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
