I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
