So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
