addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
