Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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