I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize