When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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