New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were destined to go to rehab together
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
