I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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