Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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