I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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