she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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