I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
