i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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