the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
