just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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