I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
