In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
