He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
