I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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