dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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