Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
