As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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