I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
