I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
