you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
