I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize