I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize