No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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