i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
