He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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