Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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