i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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