It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Enjoy the penises
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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