i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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