bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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