That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
