eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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