:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
