my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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