I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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