Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
