You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
