u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
