tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
