your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
