Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
