i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
