every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
