And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
