oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
