Define "chronic" masturbator.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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