this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
