im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
