My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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