found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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