dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize