I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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