I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
