Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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