I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
